Yeah, so red robin called me, and I'm going in for orientation at 5:00pm tomorrow. So maybe I won't feel as guilty about spending money anymore. I'm gonna be making a lot more money than I ever did at starworld, so that will be awesome. And I'll always have cash on me cause of tips. yay. It'll be like high school again! I'm just really happy to finally have a job again. I've felt like such a loser for the past month because I feel like I haven't done ANYTHING.
I don't know if my mom is reading this, she probably is. I got really drunk the other night. I don't remember a few hours of my life at least. I'm covered in cuts, burns, and bruises. IT WAS GREAT!
I don't know what it is, but I guess I'm doing something right. Girls just seem to come after me. I don't even have to try. Well I guess I'm kind of exaggerating.
This girl I worked with at Starworld has started to contact me via myspace. She is one of the new managers that came in after the old ones left/got fired. I always thought she was cool, but I didn't really look at her "that way" because she was a manager. I also assumed she wasn't single because she just seemed like that type of girl who would always have a boyfriend. I really didn't know anything about her. I didn't start really talking to her until a couple weeks before I left. She had only been working there for a few months anyway (that's a very short time for me in starworld-time). One of the guys in concession told me out of nowhere that I should ask her out, but I just shrugged that off because he's one of those guys that's always full of shit, and I wasn't really single at the time. I suspected something on my last day of work there when she offered to take me to a strip club. I thought it was a joke at first so I just kind of laughed and shrugged it off (I do that a lot), but it came up again and I declined because I wasn't single at the time and it didn't seem right.
I started myspacing a lot when I got really drunk a couple weeks ago and kind of regained interest in it again. I left a few comments on my sister's myspace (while very intoxicated) and I guess the girl from Starworld saw it and sent me a friend request. She sent me a message saying she misses me and she wishes we could have talked more before I "ran away". We've been exchanging messages the past couple days. Very interesting. She's originally from norman, and she told me she's coming down today (1/25) and is going to be here for the next four days. She gave me her number (which i already had because she was a manager) and said I should call her and hang out. I'm not sure how to handle this exactly. I guess we will see!
Tune in next episode.
Man, I love metal. Whenever I'm feeling down, metal reaches its leather spiked gauntlet adorned hand down and pulls me up, and then kicks me right in the chest. And I love it. In the past few days, I've been getting into the Finnish viking/folk/death metal scene. There are so many awesome amazing metal bands that come out of scandinavia in general, but most of the best bands I've been finding nowadays are out of Finland. Let's see...
It started with Children of Bodom, who is probably one of the most successful metal bands out of Finland. Then there's Norther, which was recommended to me because I liked Children of Bodom. They are also friends with Children of Bodom. Then, I found Ensiferum, which has a similar sound to Children of Bodom, but has much more flamboyant keyboards and a heavy "viking" theme to their music. They also dress up as vikings in their pictures and when they play live. Most Americans would laugh at that and call it stupid, but I think it's awesome. Then I found Kalmah, who are on the same label as Children of Bodom and Ensiferum, and are also totally awesome.
I recently discovered Korpiklaani, who are very... strange. I read somewhere that all of their songs are based off of traditional Finnish folk songs, and they are equipped with a violin player and an accordion player who drive the melodies in most of their songs. This led me on to find Finntroll, who have actually been around longer and said to influenced most of these bands up here. They are a very awesome band who blends metal with traditional Finnish polka (yeah, I know), and actually pulls it off to the point where it is awesome. I found a video (watch this) and I immediately loved them. They're like trolls IRL! Then, I somehow stumbled across Wintersun, who I loved immediately when I heard their first medley for download on their site. In one of their songs, I realized that they sound a LOT like Ensiferum. Then, I found out that they sound like Ensiferum because Wintersun was created and masterminded by the former lead singer of Ensiferum. He quit Ensiferum in 2004 and created Wintersun, and in the album they recorded, he plays every instrument except drums. He plays rhythm and lead guitar, bass guitar, and synths. And vocals, of course. I'm really impressed by this, after hearing how great the album sounds.
So yeah, I've been listening to a lot of stuff in a short amount of time, it's awesome. Like Erik said, metal is the one true form of music. No matter what musical trends come and go, metal will always be there, standing against the wall in the back of the room laughing at the silly scenesters.
I need to do something. Anything. Everything I do feels like a waste of time. I need to keep myself occupied so I can stop thinking. It's funny, I was reading my updates from a year ago and I was saying the same shit. I know this is a phase that will pass and I will feel a lot better afterwards. I just wish that would hurry up and happen. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm gonna go to sleep now because it's the best thing I think I can do.
Reading my last update, I realized that I wasn't in a very good mood. Just in the past few days I've started to feel a lot better. I'm still sad, but not nearly as depressed. I've already come to this realization once before, but I think I just don't like feeling like I'm alone. I know I have my friends and my family, but there is a certain satisfaction in feeling like there is somebody devoted to you. I'm sure all of you can understand that.
I've fallen back into playing wow, and I got my rogue to level 42. I was level 40 for a month, then I gained 2 levels in 2 days. Lots of thanks to Nick and Max for helping me out with like, eight quests or something like that. I started a hunter to try and prove that they don't suck, and now I don't think they suck, I just think they're kind of boring to play. I don't like standing back and attacking from a distance, I like being right up there in the fight. Hunter's a really good solo class though, they have lots of attacks to keep the enemy from keeping up with them and hitting them (traps, concussive shot, wing clip), and they have some insurance with the pet... if the fight gets too hairy, just let the pet tank and die while you get a good running start. That along with feign death, I can see it being pretty hard for a hunter to actually die while fighting monsters. All of that aside, though, I just don't like standing back and autofiring all the time. JP and Nick need to get their new guys to 23ish so I can start playing my warrior, or maybe my warlock, with them.
I've been getting back into music; listening to it, and playing it. I've been listening to a lot of stuff from bands that I like, that I didn't even know came out. Did you know Amorphis came out with a new album? Did you know that Sigh came out with a new album in 2005? Do you even know who I'm talking about? Anyway, so much stuff has been flying under my radar, I almost feel ashamed for not keeping up with the music I like. I would like to point out the BNR Metal Pages for anybody that likes metal, it's is an awesome website that has overviews on almost every worthwhile metal band out there, and has lots of cross-references between bands (i.e. other bands the members of a certain band might have been in). I've been aware of this site for a while and it's helped me find a lot of good metal bands and also reminded me of lots of bands that I've forgotten about. I'm pretty sure Erik is the only one reading this who actually listens to metal, but the rest of you will come around eventually. You'll see.
I went to Tulsa last friday, came back today (technically yesterday, Tuesday). It started out great, but it spiraled into probably the most miserable few days of my entire life. I broke up with Afy Sunday night. I wish it didn't have to happen, but it did. Neither of us wanted it to happen, but it was something that had to happen because it would it would inevitably lead to both of us being hurt even more if we kept our relationship going.
Allow me to go into further detail...
Afy's family is from India (Bangladesh, to be precise), and they are a very prestigious family where they are from. They are literally descended from royalty. It is tradition in their culture for the daughters to have arranged marriages. Families basically use their daughters as bargaining chips to join with other families, almost like a business venture. My outlook on their tradition might seem a bit cynical, but only because it affects me also. I see it as a silly and archaic tradition, but in all honesty, it works. Sure, they don't marry for love, which to me seems the only reason to marry someone, but they marry for almost guaranteed financial success, uniting two families who both gain from said union, and the preservation of a tradition that has worked over the centuries, regardless of how archaic and silly it might seem.
I wasn't planning on marrying her, I didn't even have thoughts of marriage in my head. But we both knew that this would inevitably happen, even at the beginning of the relationship. We just both ignored it. As we got closer, though... the tension just started to build. I think we were both afraid of expressing our feelings to each other, because we both knew that it would eventually inescapably lead to us both being hurt. This is no way to have a relationship. Some people may disagree with me, but I don't think it's possible to have a real relationship with somebody when you know that it's going to inevitably end. This is why I broke up with her... As we got closer, I just became more miserable, because I knew what would happen. I didn't know if it would happen sooner, or later, but I knew it would happen, and that's all that matters.
I don't know if many people will understand how I feel right now because they'll never have to experience what I experienced in this situation. I don't know if she knew this, but I loved her. I still do. I didn't know her for a long time, but I talked to her more and had more of a relationship with her than I've ever had with anybody. It is the most agonizing, gut-wrenching feeling I have ever had to deal with, knowing that I am powerless to do anything about it. I have to just let my feelings decay into a memory, and become numb to them every time I see her or think about what we had together.
Sometimes I wish that it had ended on bad terms, so I could feel angry and spiteful towards her. Dealing with it would be much easier. All I feel is sadness, and maybe regret for ever having gotten involved in the first place. But I'm glad that the first girl I ever loved was somebody as amazing as her. The whole time, it seemed too good to be true. She seemed to almost be the polar opposite of me. She had traveled to more places than I would probably ever go in my entire life. She is fluent in six different languages, incredibly smart, and incredibly beautiful. Just knowing that somebody like that wanted to be with me made me feel special. I felt like I had the world's greatest gift, and then had to give it up.
But alas, nothing gold can stay.
So, how was your weekend?
welp, my ACT scores came in, and I got a 24. not really that bad considering I haven't been to school in five years and I didn't study at all for the test. I plan on taking it again though, after studying math a lot. The math is what hurt me the most, I did really shitty on the algebra, but I did really well on the geometry.
living in norman is pretty cool so far. It's cool that I get to hang out with my friends every day. I'm kind of not used to it yet. I really need to get a job though... not just because I need money, but also because I hate not doing anything productive all day, it makes me feel shitty. I'm so used to working almost every day that it's really weird to not have a job anymore.
happy new year everybody
hmm... it's early... or late... i'm having a lot of trouble sleeping right now.
i can't stop thinking about stuff. i don't really want to go into detail but i'm really depressing myself right now.
i've been laying down for the past two hours trying to go to sleep and it's not working out too well. tonight was fun but it ended kind of shitty and i hope tomorrow isn't shitty as well.
