I'm not a really deep person. I'm not saying I'm shallow or anything, but I'm not a very poetic person. When I want to express my feelings, I find it very hard to come up with any poetic devices or pretty words to symbolize it. I just say "i'm happy", or "i'm sad". One of the main reasons I've never written any real lyrics to any of the songs I've written... I can't ever come up with any words to match the feelings I put into the song, so I don't even bother.
But I had a weird dream before I woke up this morning, approximately seven minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off (I love when that happens). I dreamt that I was back in high school. It was almost like a typical day there, except all of the classes I had were classes that don't really exist at high school, and every class I had was ridiculously far away from the last one. I.E. my first hour class was on the outer edge of building six, second hour was on the opposite side of building five, third hour back on the opposite side of building six, etc. But that's not really the point.
I think I was in my seminar class or something, and the teacher was handing us papers... I'm thinking they were supposed to be graded papers, but they didn't have any marks on it by the teacher, just by us. Anyway, I remember examining the paper, and it was really nothing special, kind of like a math worksheet or something. But I turned it around, and on the other side was some writing, and it was my handwriting. It was written very small and down in the corner of the paper, and it said, "it's fun to view the world through a window within a window". Directly to the right of it was a little picture (drawn by me) of a hand-puppet (a very simple one like this). The head of the puppet was a charicature of me, with long hair. It was drawn in the style that I draw, and I commonly doodled charicatures of myself when I was in school, so I'm sure I drew the picture.
Anyway, I woke up directly after I read the paper, and it's been stuck in my mind since I woke up. I just wonder what it means... My initial interpretation is that our existence is our window to the world; and when we dream, we are in an existence within an existence, a window within a window. It's fun because our dreams are only limited by what our minds try to make real. In some dreams, our mind perceives flying as perfectly reasonable. I've had dreams where I can run through the air, as long as I'm running fast enough, and I never once thought during the dream, "that's impossible", because I was doing it.
I really want to think that this dream had a very deep meaning, and not just some random dream.
welp, time to get ready for work.
having a job is pretty cool, I have more money now than I've had in a while... mainly because I've been unemployed for a long time, not counting the admiral twin which I never got a whole lot of money for since I never worked many hours there. but, starworld's got it's bad parts too, like having to be there at 10 AM to work sometimes. I remember when I worked for uno's, I would get pissed that I had to be there at noon sometimes... 10 am is like, two whole hours before that.
It'll be a few weeks before I can afford to put together a new comp, sans a new hard drive and video card since I already have perfectly good ones. It'll be kind of like the same computer, except somebody took its brain out and put it in a new, better body. I'm glad HL2 was delayed, because it gives me more time to build a comp BEFORE it comes out, because I couldn't live with not being able to play HL2 while it's out. So most likely, I'll have a new comp built before that comes out. And hopefully before FFXI comes out too, because my current comp can't run it.
I'm so tired right now, I want to take a nap but I also want to stay up... decisions decisions
my new SN is: jesus poops ALOT
update your AIM accordingly
I haven't done much in the past couple years of my life. I'd hate to say that I've wasted two years of my life, but there's not really much else that I could say I've done. I've been pretty much unemployed since I graduated high school... I quit my busser job at unos a couple months after graduation. I worked at admiral a few months last summer, a few months this summer, but that really doesn't count as a job. I got a job at starworld a couple weeks ago and that's going pretty well... I'd say the starworld job is probably the biggest thing I've done with my life in the past two years. That's pretty sad.
Then there's the whole band thing, which was actually doing pretty well for a while, until a certain chain of events caused shit to hit fans. Everybody who is reading this site probably knows the story, but it was just one thing after another. I ended up quitting my active band and I'm currently in a band that isn't doing anything. I keep writing music, but I've recently felt like it's pointless. I really want the band to take off, start playing gigs, but shit just keeps happening. The other guitarist lives out of town. The drummer is still in high school. The bassist is going to be a father in a week, or less. And I and stuck here at my house without a drivers license... I know that the last one's my fault, but even then, it's not looking well. We don't even have a singer or any lyrics to our songs. It hurts so bad to say this stuff, because I honestly think that we have so much potential; our sound is so unique compared to the other local metal bands out there and if we could just get going, I think people would like us.
I feel like I haven't done anything worthwhile for the past two years. Going to Norman has really inspired me though, now I realize what I could be doing with my life, and probably what I should be doing with my life. I kind of feel like I have some ambition now... I don't feel content just drifting through life anymore, I really feel like I need to do something.
So yeah, that's what I've been thinking about for the past few days. What I'm going to do. It's never too late to turn it around.
i'm back from norman, and i really had a fun. two funs actually, it was really cool. props to my homeys that made it awesome.
(capital letters are overrated)
well, i'm feeling a lot better than I was during the last post I made. I'm going out of town for a few days today. Don't expect an update until I get back, unless I update from somebody else's computer.
Yeah, it's a good game. It rips off A LOT of stuff from Diablo 2, but it adds way more depth to the game than diablo 2 ever had, and that makes it cooler. The quest system in diablo 2 is like, "go here, kill this guy, bring me this", and the quest system in divine divinity is like "bring me this", and you have to pretty much figure out what you're supposed to do. It's really nothing like Diablo 2 when it comes to the actual gameplay though, I would consider it more of a mix between baldur's gate/icewind dale/neverwinter nights, morrowind, and the ultima series. When you have conversations with people, you choose your responses and their opinions of you are based on how you talk to them. The trade system is like fallout, where you open up a dialogue with the NPC and then click on trade, and it opens up a menu of stuff they have and the value of it, and it opens up a menu of your stuff and the values, and you pretty much have to match up your values with their values to get a trade.
The stats and level system is ripped directly from diablo, you get exp and gain a level, and then you get five points to put in either strength, intelligence, dexterity, or vitality. If you've played diablo, you know what all of those are so I won't go into detail.
Generally, even though it sounds a lot like diablo, and it looks a lot like diablo, it's not really like it at all, and it was definitely worth downloading for free and mounting on a virtual drive on my computer because I don't have any blank media to burn it to.
