It seems like this blog consists of a lot of bitching by me, about me. When I'm reading it (normally proofreading, because I hate typos) I usually wonder, "who cares?"
I mean... this is a great way for me to get stuff off my chest. When I'm pissed about something, it just feels better to put it up on the internet. But does it really matter? I'm not really changing anything. I'm not doing anything. Like this post. It's just dumb. Even me calling the post dumb is dumb. The dumb-ness is magnified when I point out that calling a post dumb is dumb. The dumb-ness is magnified even further when I use the word "dumb-ness".
My sister made me watch a show on MuchMusic called "Uranium". It's what they call a "metal show". They played: Mudvayne, Static-X, Korn, and Drowning Pool. I continued waiting for the acutal "metal" part of the show. It was over before they played any real metal bands. The mainstream music scene makes me want to pretentiously curl into a corner and slit my wrists horizontally, so it looks like I tried to kill myself, but intentionally did it the wrong way so I can live to see peoples' (artificial) sympathy towards me.
Seriously though, I've been looking at myself and I've been disgusted with myself. Not with the person that I am, but just the way I look. My long hair, my black clothing, my eyebrow ring. I look a lot like the people that I criticize. Sometimes I think that I'm a part of the people that I criticize. I've already decided to cut my hair, but one part of me says, "why the hell should you care about what people think about you and your hair?". Another part of me says, "why the hell should you be judged by the way you look before people even know you?". Both of those are right. So, I have to decide. Either I can remain apathetic towards what people think about me, and therefore shutting myself out from the society that is too close-minded to accept people whose appearance doesn't comply with their antiquated standards, or I can comply with their standards and realize that the way I look doesn't determine the person that I am. I'm kind of afraid that I'll look completely different with short hair. But it's common, everybody looks different when they change their appearance. It's one of the rules of changing your appearance... you look different. I've been talking about this for about a month now. It's kind of scary though. I've looked exactly the same for the past five years. I admit it, I'm afraid of change. You may be saying, "Just do it!" but it's just not that easy for me. It's kind of like a tattoo, except you can usually hide a tattoo. You can't hide a haircut as easily, especially if it's me getting a haircut. I'll let you all know when the even happens though. I may even take pictures. I'll try to get a few mullet pictures, I promised I would do that when I finally cut my hair.
I need more music to listen to. Recommend music to me. Use the comments or something. I don't care what it is, just recommend music.
Nowadays, it seems like we live in a society that can't take responsiblity for its own actions. If a kid kills one of his classmates, we're automatically looking for something to blame it on. Let's forget about the crazy/stupid kid that pulled the trigger, it's gotta go deeper. Nobody is ever crazy anymore, or at least nobody wants to settle for crazy anymore. I mean, some psycho kids go out and kill 15 people at school, and the first thing they blame is the music they listen to, and the video games they play. Why can't we just settle for crazy anymore? Those kids were crazy. End of story. It wasn't their parents' faults, it wasn't the music or the video games. Millions upon millions of people are exposed to the same music and video games as those kids were, and they're doing just fine. There was a little extra something that pushed them over the edge. It's called being crazy.
And now, there's another issue that a lot of (ignorant) people might disagree with, and that is...
Marijuana. Marijuana, marijuana, marijuana. It seems like all of the people who have never done it consider it to be the grass from satan's garden, while all of the people that have done it are strong supporters of it, and heavily support the legalization/decriminalization of the naturally-growing substance.
I saw a commercial yesterday during the superbowl, pointing out that "marijuana impairs judgement". It showed two parents in the bathroom. Or maybe one parent. Anyway, they were with their teenage daughter, and she was taking a pregnancy test. It was positive. This is all marijuana's fault. Let's forget about lack of willpower, lack of responsibility, lack of common sense. I made the loudest "psssshhhh" sound I think I have ever made after seeing that commercial. I mean, here, we have a commercial denouncing marijuana, saying that it "impairs judgement", right after about twenty beer commercials, and right before about twenty more beer commercials. Are these beer commercials showing home pregnancy tests, denouncing beer because it "impairs judgement"? Nope, it encourages the mass consumption of the alcoholic horsepiss, with unfunny commercials that would appeal to the stupidest of stupid people. And teenagers. I guess alcohol doesn't impair judgement at all. Fucking hypocritical media.
This all goes down to what I was saying before. People aren't able to take responsibility for what they do anymore. Anybody that has smoked marijuana KNOWS that you still have the ability to think under the influence. You have the ability to make intelligent decisions. You are still conscious, and able to perceive everything that's around you. Marijuana is not heroin or crack, you do not hallucinate. You don't completely drop out of consciousness and run through yellow meadow with talking birds or rabbits or any of that shit. I would guarantee that many of you reading this have seen me stoned, and not even realized it. There are many legal substances that do much more damage to your body and perception, like alcohol. I've never seen a bloody fist-fight between people that were under the influence of marijuana, but I've definitely seen one between two drunk people. I've never seen somebody under the influence of marijuana put somebody through a wall, but I've seen a drunk person do it. Now, notice which one is legal, and which one is illegal.
I guess it's only suitable for a country that supports violence, though. As long as they keep people misinformed, the whole country can remain ignorant as to how bad marijuana really is. There seems to be a lot of that nowadays. Misinformation.
I'm sure that peoples' lives have been ruined because of drugs. I'm also sure that peoples' lives have been ruined because of alcohol, or marijuana. But going back to what I said before, people don't want to take responsibility for their own actions anymore. People say, "heroin ruined my life", almost as if a magical bag of smack appeared on their desk, and then it came to life and jumped into a spoon, where it automatically melted itself, and then automatically injected itself into a needle, and then the needle jumped up by itself and injected itself into that person's arm/toe/whatever. Heroin addicts asked for it. Just like any addict.
Addictions don't start by themselves. They need a catalyst for the reaction, and that is you. You need to start the addiction to have an addiction. One cigarette doesn't start a cigarette addiction. You need to smoke many cigarettes, you need to want to keep smoking them. If you don't want an addiction, you won't get an addiction. Once you're addicted though, it's your own damn fault.
It's easy to blame things on addiction. Sometimes I think that people become addicted to a substance just so they can blame their own personal failure on it. You may have heard me say this before, but drugs are a scapegoat for personal failure. People don't want to admit that they fucked their own life up, so let's blame it on the easiest thing to blame it on: drugs. That way, everybody will feel sorry for them, they'll go to rehab and clean up, and then get out again. Probably just to fuck their life up again. It's all about the responsibility thing I was talking about. People don't want to take responsibility for their own problems. It's always getting blamed on something.
I sound like some little rebellious teenager now, but I don't really care. You shouldn't believe everything that television, or the government tells you, because propaganda exists everywhere. Even when it's subtle, it still exists. Even in our great "free" country. Whenever you see something on television about somebody's "triumph over drug addiction" or anything like that, realize that these people made the original mistake of taking the drug in the first place. And they did it enough to actually form a habit and become addicted. It's their own fucking fault, and then they get commended for kicking the habit?
I just don't understand people.
I can't believe that it's been a full week since that last update. Nothing much has been going on lately though, so there's really no reason to update. I really need to do something so i have something to update about.
I've been playing a lot of Final Fantasy Tactics for the past few days. I've been trying to build a badass party. I've been having a lot of fun with the monk, ninja, oracle, time mage, white mage combo. I don't use the white mage a whole lot except for protect2 and raise2, but if I don't have him in there, my monk is the only way I have to revive my chars (this is assuming that I have "basic skill" equipped on all of my chars so they can accumulate every round for easy job points). Anyway, yeah. That's a cool game.
Yeah... don't know what else to talk about... back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Listening to: Soilwork - As We Speak
I always feel kind of bad when I waste a whole day. Some people would say that I waste every day, but I truly wasted today. Or technically, yesterday. I slept all day. It was kind of one of those days where you wake up, but you're still tired. So you go back to sleep, and then you wake up again, but you're still tired. So you go back to sleep. Everybody is tired when they just wake up, you kind of have to make an effort to get up and get un-tired. I didn't make that effort, I just kept going back to sleep. Next thing I know, it's 9:00pm and I'm still laying on the couch, half asleep and watching some cheesy sappy love movie starring Mandy Moore with my sister. Back to sleep... I woke up and watched like an hour of Jerry Maguire earlier today, but I went back to sleep after that. I think I played some CS earlier too, but I went back on the couch and went to sleep. A truly wasted day.
I feel pretty good now, though... at almost 4am. I'm thinking I should try to pull off a 24 hour day, and invert the ol' sleeping schedule. Then I'll be getting up early and going to bed early. That's really what I prefer, there's just something nice about being able to wake up before everybody else, and not have to worry about sleeping all day. People have told me that I'm like a nocturnal creature, or a vampire, because I stay up all night and sleep all day... but that's definitely not how I see it. Sometimes, I just put off sleep. I'll be playing a game, or just looking at websites, and put off sleeping until I'm about to pass out on the keyboard. It's usually 5 or 6am around that time, so I go to sleep and wake up whenever. It's not really an intentional thing. I'm not TRYING to have a messed up sleeping schedule. It just happens. I have to try to fix it though.
Not that any of you care really, but I like heavy metal music. I like many types of music, but heavy metal is what really makes me happy. Sometimes I'll listen to new music, and it'll make me tingle in the back of my neck, just because I like it so much. It's like the feeling I had the first time I played the SNES. It was just... so good. Anyway, this is how I feel about Children of Bodom. They are, quite simply, the best heavy metal band out there. They're the best. There's no point in arguing, because whatever heavy metal band you may throw at me, these guys are more talented. They just are. They play their instruments like they were born with it. It's just a shame that they're not more well known... or maybe it's a good thing. I almost cried when I heard their new album. In a music scene where 75% of the bands are trying to cash in on the current trends, it's good to hear a band that actually utilizes talent and songwriting ability to make excellent music. Note that I italicized songwriting.
There's a lot of people out there who will automatically judge a band by its lyrical content or vocal stylings. I agree that they can be important factors in a song, but I listen to music for the music. I listen to music to hear it, and to feel it. Not to understand it or relate to it. Lyrics aren't a part of songwriting at all. You can write a page full of lyrics, but it's not a song until you put it into music. Lyrics with no music is not a song. But music with no lyrics is a song. An instrumental song, but a song nonetheless. I'm sure you get the point.
Listening to: Children of Bodom - Angels Don't Kill
Welp, they got it working, and it's pretty damn cool. First of all, I love the fact that you can run it at 1280x1024 now, so I'm running it at the same resolution and color depth as my desktop, allowing seamless alt+tabbing. The new guns are so-so. The galil is a lot like the AK47, except it holds a few more bullets, and it seems to be more powerful. I haven't really compared them though. The FAMAS is okay, somebody referred to it as a "super glock", because it has regular fire and burst-mode like a glock. Except it's an automatic rifle. Lots of people praise it, but I would take the M4A1 over the FAMAS any day. The biggest and most game-changing addition would be the riot shield. It really changes the way a lot of CTs play now, and rushing is a much more common strategy. Many a time I saw about three or four ct's with shields up rushing toward me, and I was pretty much helpless. I see guys with shields, I run away. There's no point at shooting at them when their shields are up, but nades on the other hand... heh heh heh.
Anyway, Steam is still really buggy. Steam crashes a lot on me, but once they get it working correctly, I'm pretty sure I'll keep it running all the time. The "friends" function looks like it will be really cool, even though it's not working as of yet. I'm kind of afraid that they'll start charging for the online play of CS, though. They changed all of the weapon names to the CS retail weapon names, which kind of makes me thing that there's something up their sleeve. They didn't need to worry about the weapon names before, because the game was free (the HL modification, not the CS retail). But, why the sudden change in weapon names? What are you trying to protect yourself from? Something is really fishy. If they start charging for CS... well, I'll probably pay for it. But I'll be pissed about it, and I'll bitch every time I play it. And then some. And if I ever see somebody hacking on a game that I'm paying for, I swear I'll file a lawsuit or something. Hey, it could work. Somebody sued Origin a long time ago because Ultima Online was too laggy. I think I could sue over lack of security on a game that I have to pay for.
Before I get carried away, though... the optimism in me says that they'll never start charging for just CS, and they probably changed the names of the weapons so people that don't own HL or CS can just download CS off of Steam and play it. I hope.
Listening to: Children of Bodom - Needled 24/7
Valve failed miserably at releasing the CS v1.6 beta, and Steam. Steam supposedly "leaked" out, and too many people were downloading it, or something. I consider that pretty wierd, considering that the "leaked" program was downloadable on their official website. It's not anymore, but it WAS. Steam is pretty crappy at the moment though... slow, very unstable. And, I can't get CS 1.6 to run at all. I got to the menu, that's about it. I guess this is how a beta test is supposed to be... but, they could have optimized it little bit more. I think they were in such a hurry to get it out the door, they forgot about little things like bandwidth and a program that actually functions correctly.
Well, technically today. But it's only 1:05AM, so it's still Wednesday to me. I like Counter-strike. The 1.6 beta is coming out today, and it's going to have RIOT SHIELDS. And NEW GUNS. And also a GUI UPGRADE. Hopefully they make it so you don't have to switch resolutions over and over just to get into a game. The steam client is going to be for download also, and I think it will be required in order to download 1.6.
What else has happened... the other guitarist of Spinefed asked if I could play one last show with them, and I declined. I pretty much said that I wasn't interested in playing the show. Which is the truth. I broke my low E string a few minutes ago. I can fix it pretty easily though, just need some wire cutters... yay for floyd rose. Too bad replacing strings is a pain in the ass.
Uhh yeah... I haven't updated in a few days. I've been here, I just haven't been able to think of anything to talk about. I made some badass chicken and garden vegetable lasagna today. It was pretty good for something without BEEF (hi Tina). Beef is good i like beef beef is good i like beef beef is good i like beef beef is good i like beef beef is good i like beef beef is good i like beef beef is good i like beef
Listening to: Kompressor - We Must Destroy X10
For those of you who didn't know, I got a Gamecube, and a memory card. I also own Super Smash Bros. Melee, which was a game I hated until I owned it. Now I like it. I also borrowed SSX Tricky from Token and have been playing that a lot. I figured that I could really play my Gamecube now that I got my memory card back. I played it a bit on Nick's memory card, but I didn't want to bother with copying data back and forth so I didn't play that much.
I also got Simcity 4, and it is pretty cool. They managed to make the game a lot more like The Sims and less like the traditional Simcity games, but it's still a fun game to play. There is more micromanagement than ever before. Instead of just having roads, now there are streets and roads, with streets being primarily for light traffic and roads for heavy traffic. When placing schools, you actually have to choose between elementary schools and high schools. There are also small versions of fire departments and police departments, designed to cover a smaller area for small starting towns. The graphics are still primarily sprite-based, but the cars and stuff are all 3D rendered. I'm pretty sure you can import your sims from The Sims and put them in a house in your city... I haven't tried it yet though, I don't have The Sims installed on my comp.
Anyway, the landscapes are awesome, and are much more versatile than the other Simcity games... you can now build zones on hilly terrain, and it will still grow. There's a lot more terraforming options than before, one of them being that you can build mesas, with a mesa creating tool. You could build things that were similar to mesas in older simcity games, but they actually look like mesas in SC4.
Well, I don't really know much about the game past that point. It really eats computers, but I still turn it up to 1280x1024 resolution and 32 bit color, because the game really is beautiful on high resolutions.
I quit Spinefed a couple hours ago. It was a relatively painless thing, I had been planning on it for weeks now. I didn't think it would go as easily as it did. It was quite a learning experience while it lasted, though. I got to play my first live gig with Spinefed. I got to experience losing band members. Looking for band members. Kicking out band members. I got to experience the feeling of having fans. People who come to our shows, to see us. People I don't know, but know who I am. People who ask for my autograph. My autograph. I got to experience opening for some of my favorite bands of all time. Soilwork. Hypocrisy. In Flames. But I also learned that you can lose interest if you don't put effort into staying interested. And I have lost all interest in Spinefed. I had a great time the past couple of years. I learned a lot, and made a lot of new friends. I am going down a different path now, and hopefully it will be just as rewarding as it was with Spinefed.
There's many things that I plan to do in the year of 2003, and this was only one of them. There are many more changes to come.
Oh yeah... may I add that Tool's "Ænima" is an excellent album... One of the best I've heard in a long time. I never really listened to Tool before. I used to write them off because they were too "popular", but I really don't give a shit anymore. If I like a band's music, I'll listen to them regardless of popularity. Some bands are immensely popular for a reason... like the fact that they write good music.
Well, the Winter WonderLAN is pretty much over now, I went home yesterday and took all of my stuff. I ended coming home with a lot more stuff than I came with, thanks to my friends and also money. I wanna thank all of my friends for the headset with the mic, and the Megaman pins. And Rocky for the Kung Pow DVD, and the really really cheap Gamecube memory card. And any other stuff that may have been given to me. Thanks to JP for paying for my burrito. Thanks to White James for hosting the badassest lan EVAR. Seriously, that was definitely the best. And it wasn't even at the LAN house. Bravo.
I got a new email address. I'm not going to be so quick to hand it out, so if you want to know it, send me a message in AIM (CyCo PL) and I will tell you. I finally got fed up with all of the spam. I deleted 847 spams today. AKA Eight hundred and forty-seven. AKA 8 hundred and 47. AKA a FUCKLOAD of spam emails. No more.
One more thing... I was reading about the Counter-Strike v1.6 beta, which was supposed to come out on January 7th. Obviously, it's a little late. I read up on it, and found out some stuff that sounds pretty cool, and some stuff that sound pretty damn gay. I'm not going to go into a long rant about it YET though, because I'm going to wait to play it before I judge anything. I'm still pissed off about them taking out my bunnyhopping though.
Today is my last day at this wonderful, wonderful LAN. It has lasted about three weeks now, and I haven't been home since Christmas. I really wish it would never end, but everybody has to go on with their lives. I'm going to pack up all of my stuff and go back home later today, and I'll have a lot more stuff than I came here with, the biggest thing being a Gamecube. Sure, I spent all of my money, but the money was going to be spent on a Gamecube anyway.
I wanna point out Rocky's site, which is looking super cool now. He might get pissed that I'm linking to it before it's "done", but guess what? I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE.
Why am I updating now? I don't know. I think it's just because I can update. It's too easy. I also want to see how it handles the different days, because I currently have not tested that out yet. I don't know if it creates a new table, or if it stays within the same table. I guess we will see.
I'm kind of tired right now. I woke up pretty early this morning in an attempt to fix my sleeping schedule, but waking up early requires going to sleep early. And going to sleep early means I can't stay up late. And I want to stay up late. I want to stay up late and wake up early at the same time. But that requires like, not sleeping. And if I don't sleep, I think I will die. Or just feel like shit. But probably eventually die. So, I think I'll sleep in this chair for a while. Or play counter-strike. I don't know.
Yay! It's really been up for a couple days now, but the location of the movable type CGI script was in Rocky's OEFnetwork directory, and he didn't want it to be there. So, we moved it to a directory that isn't in his directory. Then I just copied/pasted all of the stylesheets and html that my site was using and here it is! All of the comments and updates that were up here before the location was changed were lost, but this is the official launch of my new site. It wasn't official before. It's official now. So yeah. Post comments and stuff.