Cycopl

I'm an artist.

I like Penny Arcade. It's a really funny webcomic that I often agree with. But, recently I've been realizing that Gabe, the artist, is an idiot. To be specific, his opinions are stupid. On top of that, he will never realize that some of his opinions are wrong, because of the droves of people that fellate him and his views via email. To put the cherry on top, he posts the emails that his cock suckling dick leeches send to him, as if they validate his opinion.

Gabe, if you weren't the artist for Penny Arcade, your opinions would be written off just as quickly as you are to write off others' opinions. Sad but true.

The first thing I noticed was his drawing of Samus Aran. Some people may say that I'm nitpicking too much, but he drew Samus with her helmet off, and short blonde hair. Samus doesn't have short hair. When this was pointed out to him, he said that it was his "interpretation" of Samus. Gabe, there's nothing to interpret, Samus has long hair. Ever since the first Metroid with the Justin Bailey code, Samus has been portrayed with long hair. Super Metroid? Long hair. Metroid Prime? Long hair. Nothing to interpret.

But, I guess it's okay, since Gabe is an UUUUBER gamer. I mean, come on, he likes Pac-man! Doesn't get much more uber than that.

Well, I'm an uber gamer too, so I decided to create my own "interpretation" of the video game industrie's most famous duo, the Mario Brothers. As you can see, my interpretation of Mario is the likeness of a fat bald black man with pink nipples. Luigi is a nimble asian man doing a jumpkick (what asians do best), and red boots. Why red boots? Because he can. Don't question him, or he'll kick your ass. What? It's my interpretation. That makes it okay, even if there's absolutely nothing to interpret because their appearance is clearly known by their appearance in the games.

The newest form of stupidity is his criticism of American McGee for creating not one, but TWO games based on popular stories, with a dark twist. Two games that are similar, let's criticize his creativity and call him a "one trick pony". This is just American McGee's style. This is what he does. All of the Sid Meier games are turn-based strategy games. Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri and Sid Meier's Civilization 3 were basically the same fucking game. But critical acclaim ensues for Sid Meier. Or what about Tom Clancy games? They're basically all tactical SWAT style games, with the exception of Splinter Cell. Is Tom Clancy a one-trick pony because all he does is realistic tactical shooters? I think not. Fuck you, Gabe. Your opinion is worthless.

Posted by at April 16, 2003 06:40 PM