It seems like this blog consists of a lot of bitching by me, about me. When I'm reading it (normally proofreading, because I hate typos) I usually wonder, "who cares?"
I mean... this is a great way for me to get stuff off my chest. When I'm pissed about something, it just feels better to put it up on the internet. But does it really matter? I'm not really changing anything. I'm not doing anything. Like this post. It's just dumb. Even me calling the post dumb is dumb. The dumb-ness is magnified when I point out that calling a post dumb is dumb. The dumb-ness is magnified even further when I use the word "dumb-ness".
My sister made me watch a show on MuchMusic called "Uranium". It's what they call a "metal show". They played: Mudvayne, Static-X, Korn, and Drowning Pool. I continued waiting for the acutal "metal" part of the show. It was over before they played any real metal bands. The mainstream music scene makes me want to pretentiously curl into a corner and slit my wrists horizontally, so it looks like I tried to kill myself, but intentionally did it the wrong way so I can live to see peoples' (artificial) sympathy towards me.
Seriously though, I've been looking at myself and I've been disgusted with myself. Not with the person that I am, but just the way I look. My long hair, my black clothing, my eyebrow ring. I look a lot like the people that I criticize. Sometimes I think that I'm a part of the people that I criticize. I've already decided to cut my hair, but one part of me says, "why the hell should you care about what people think about you and your hair?". Another part of me says, "why the hell should you be judged by the way you look before people even know you?". Both of those are right. So, I have to decide. Either I can remain apathetic towards what people think about me, and therefore shutting myself out from the society that is too close-minded to accept people whose appearance doesn't comply with their antiquated standards, or I can comply with their standards and realize that the way I look doesn't determine the person that I am. I'm kind of afraid that I'll look completely different with short hair. But it's common, everybody looks different when they change their appearance. It's one of the rules of changing your appearance... you look different. I've been talking about this for about a month now. It's kind of scary though. I've looked exactly the same for the past five years. I admit it, I'm afraid of change. You may be saying, "Just do it!" but it's just not that easy for me. It's kind of like a tattoo, except you can usually hide a tattoo. You can't hide a haircut as easily, especially if it's me getting a haircut. I'll let you all know when the even happens though. I may even take pictures. I'll try to get a few mullet pictures, I promised I would do that when I finally cut my hair.
I need more music to listen to. Recommend music to me. Use the comments or something. I don't care what it is, just recommend music.
Posted by at January 30, 2003 03:53 AM